i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
