i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
