looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
