Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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