Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
