i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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