i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
