At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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