Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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