3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
