may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The Olympian is in my bed
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
