Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
