Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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