Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize