some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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