My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
