you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
and you fell through a lawn chair
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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