I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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