mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
