she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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