I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
third nipple confirmed
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
