I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it's like iHOP with fire
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
