mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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