i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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