You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
