Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
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I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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