I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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