Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
