11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
is it fun? or sober?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
