Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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