oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
