Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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