wakey wakey hands off snakey
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Shame - the story of my life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
