I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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