At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
