it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
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Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I party with great urgency now.
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