After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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