this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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