Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
