And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
