I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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