I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
