I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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