KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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