found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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