It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
