You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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