I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
