Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
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Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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