the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
