my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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