just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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