Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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