Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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