She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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