I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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