I'm so fucking centered right now
You're so nebulous sometimes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
