Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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