Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
