Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
