Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
