I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
