That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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