put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
