i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
