He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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