cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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