John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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