Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
