You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I smell stomach acid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
